Bank Jokes

Some Banking and credit crunch jokes popping around reflecting current circumstances that I found worth sharing.

1.How do you define optimism?
A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday

2.An elderly lady receives an e-mail from the son of a deceased (but wealthy) African general, asking whether he could transfer millions of pounds into her bank account in return for a 20% cut. All the son needs is the sort code and account number. Not realising she is the victim of a Nigerian 419 fraud, she e-mails back the details. A couple of minutes later she receives an e-mail back from the general's son: 'Icesave?!' What is this, some sort of scam?" **Reflecting the current state of Banks in Iceland**

3.Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

4.What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons?
The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's

5.What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.

6.Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

7.Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other..

Coming soon in May 2009

I mentioned in my previous post that E was pregnant. I didn’t mean to just skip through that as if its part of my everyday normal life. No this is big and deserves a whole post to itself – She’s reading this as well you know ;)

This time we’ve decided that we’ll find out the sex of the baby from the scan stage whether we tell family and friends is another matter which we haven’t yet discussed but I would guess not at first.

I am hoping for a boy this time just to get some balance in the house. We’ve already started discussing names even though the due date is April next year. Talking about the due date it’s the exact same date of birth as little M. My wife’s doctor was smiling and saying you must be celebrating something in July.

Well what more can I say there’s going to be more changes here, less personal space, less sleep, less attention from the wife and probably messier but its going to be more lively and what the heck I am going to be a proud dad of two soon. Ameen.

Googling

I was a bit bored and decided to try and search for a few Arab-UK-Muslim blogs on the web every time I typed anything relevant I could see Terrorists, Arabs, Kill, Murder, Islam supports bombers, No to Shariah in UK and Al Qaida.

WTF….no interesting blogs!!!

Ramadan-Work

Ramadan was out of this world this year. Not only did we have to fast up to 8pm at the beginning of the month. Work-wise it ended up being the busiest month this year with some of my colleagues taking annual leave and also having to work on the biggest most important project we have seen come our way in years. Taking into account that we were still living out of suitcases and boxes everywhere at home and finding out E is pregnant which was a pleasant surprise but also comes with added pressure.

I think I must’ve clocked up over 60 hours overtime just that month. Just to sum it up everyone was praying Taraweeh on Laylatul Qadr and me working away from 10pm to 10am to upgrading a Customers server.

That holiday to UAE seemed light years away now.

Atleast I did get a decent pay out of it all (and the taxman :$ )

Relocating again

Well they say no rest for the wicked don’t they? I must be very wicked indeed.

Straight after getting back from holiday normal life would resume or so you would think. Prior to leaving on holiday I had arranged with my work to relocate from Andover (Town in Hampshire) to Birmingham.

I was living in Birmingham before moving down south to Andover but having graduated and looking for jobs I decided I’d grab the first thing that comes my way but after three years we decided to move back to be closer to family, plus driving 250 miles every other weekend to visit family was starting to tire me out.

My work place were very understanding and since we had an office in Birmingham didn’t mind at all me moving there in actual fact they encouraged it as they said it would be useful having someone up there. Win-Win situation eh!

I think I’ve said this somewhere before moving homes was so much easier when it was just myself. Now with a wife and kid comes much more suitcases, furniture and back pain. Let’s just say we’re not finished unpacking and all this was 2 months ago now.

I have missed Andover the calmness of living in a smaller quieter town were people were more friendly and relaxed, less traffic and only living 5 minute drive from work. Oh well it’s for the best I guess.

Atleast we moved before Ramadan started …

Back Again - For how long this time I don't know...

I’ve just not had the commitment to update my blog recently. I am hoping to revive my interests again at least to put an update every now and again. It seems in my absence quite a few interesting bloggers have called it a day or taking time out. What a shame, really.

Well where do I start…

I was back in Abu-Dhabi over summer and had a wicked time. It was the first time in years that all my family (brothers & sisters) were actually reunited and under one roof. Of course this time with the added pleasure of having my own family; consisting of my loving wife (E) and gorgeous daughter (Little M).

Little M loved it as she was occupied all the time. She went from a quite home of two to having nine to play around with. We took her to the beach for the first time. Initially, she was terrified from the sea and the sand but she enjoyed her time after that.

We had trips to Dubai’s Wild Wadi, City Centre, Souks, Restaurants and Sheesha Café’s. I was pretty much fed-up of Dubai by the time I was leaving.

We had a memorable trip to Al-Ain were my dad decided to take us the Zoo in mid-afternoon. I was gassed out just walking from the parking lot to the park entrance – it was ridiculous but we ended up laughing about it later. We drove up Jebel Hafeet and ofcourse my favourite part of Al – Ain was swimming in the natural springs even though I could only last about 10 minutes or so as it was extremely hot.

Times in Abu-Dhabi consisted of linking up with my cousin who I haven’t seen in 6 years – we were really close before and I thank him for showing me a good time. We had spent endless hours in sheesha café’s chilling, playing cards and ofcourse every Arab’s favourite pastime argueing ;o)

On the whole it was a much needed holiday to be honest.